I know… I know… where the heck have I been. Well, everywhere and nowhere at all. Lol. Anyhoo…. Sorry. Buuuuutttt here we go…..
Best friend, bestie, BFF, ace… Growing up, I didn’t have many friends. I was (am) what you would call a loner. Because of the self-esteem that I lacked, earlier on in life, I longed to have friends, a best friend, someone to take the attention off of myself. I wanted that amazing BFF that Brandy sang about. Y’all know the jam:
“I don’t know what I’d ever do without you
From the beginning to the end You’ve always been here right beside me So, I’ll call you my best friend Through the good times and the bad ones Whether I lose or if I win I know one thing that never changes, and That’s you as my best friend”
Over the course of my life, I’ve had 3 best friends. One is no longer living and the other two, well, we’ve parted ways. Both at different times in my life and different seasons, and for different reasons. After my first “bestie” and I parted ways with each other, I had many “what could I have done differently?” moments. I had regrets, talks with myself, and separation anxiety. The anxiety, mainly because, I’d never really lost a friend before. In the latter best friendship, I think I tried to overcompensate in areas, because of how I
felt I’d failed previously. You know, when relationships end, of any kind, you always think of what you did wrong, even if you refuse to admit it (just me? coo!).
In any loss, I’m sure that we all wonder why we were chosen to go through it. “Losing” friends is no different. I was left wondering why I wasn’t worthy of having friends that I could turn to when I’m sure I was the reliable kind. I would see posts on social media of folks that would meet up with their besties of 20 years and I was left trying to figure out why I didn’t have that same testimony. You know, those “no matter what, I got my bestie” posts that I no longer had the privilege of posting. It seemed that everyone I knew had a friend that they could say was by their side nearly their entire lives, but me.
Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m having this little spiel. Well, I want you to know that no level of friendship will ever supersede the love God has for us. No, there is nothing wrong with having friends, or even a best friend, or even feeling like you need a friend. But my “need” for friends came because I didn’t recognize who I was. I wasn’t created to be around a crowd of people all the time bur I felt that I needed to. This “need” came from my lack of self-confidence. And even later in life, it transformed into me always feeling the need to “help” others. Don’t’ misunderstand me, I am called to help, to serve, but I would always try to exceed the capacity that God gave me so that I could feel fulfilled. Time after time, I would try to prove myself to others as if I needed them to validate my worth and importance. I would go “above and beyond” to do what everyone “needed” me to do, only to be left exhausted and still feeling as if I was missing something. But that wasn’t the answer. The answer was to seek God so that He could show me who I was.
See, God had to show me that those friends I longed to have, He created them. That fulfillment that I was searching for, He held it. It just took me so unnecessarily long to learn that. So often, we turn to others for the answers and get hurt and feel disappointment when they don’t have them. Psalms 118:8 says, “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.” I’ve learned that to be true! I mean, why wouldn’t we put all of our trust in a God that gives “the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:6)? Or that provides “sufficient” grace and perfect strength when we are weak (2 Corinthians 12:9)? Try putting your trust in the God that fights your battles (2 Chronicles 20:17). Place your confidence in the God that loved us so much that He sent His Son to die in our stead (John 3:16).
There is a song that says,
“What a friend we have in Jesus all our sins and grieves to bear What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer Oh what peace we often forfeit of what needless pain we bear All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer”
There is so much that we carry, so much that we don’t have to carry, but we don’t go to the one that can lift our burdens. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” (Psalms 55:22). So, tonight, I encourage you to call on Jesus instead of sending that 12-page text message. I pray that you lean on the one that loved you first… no stipulations, no strings attached.
Love y’all (I really do!),
Ms. A.M.White