Well, since it is officially past my bedtime, I suppose now’s the perfect time to share. Lol. “Don’t call it a comeback!” HA! I know it’s been a while but… well… I just couldn’t. But here goes……
I can recall scrolling my Facebook timeline and seeing that someone was angry with their mother and didn’t want to talk to her again. I said a prayer that their relationship could be restored. I read once where a young lady never knew her dad and didn’t care to because she felt he’d never cared to be part of her life. Again, I prayed because she had a void made by a very key person and she had no clue how he should have actually treated her. Another time, I saw that a classmate had lost their father. I prayed because I knew how important my daddy was to me and how devastated I’d be without him around. So many times, I prayed for others and their parents. I prayed for comfort of those that lost a parent… not because I knew what it felt like, but because I knew how important my parents were to me.
Today, I know what it feels like to be without a parent. To be missing one half of the unit that has always been. Now, I know what it’s like not to have my daddy around and I know what it’s like to need those prayers of peace and comfort. I never knew how imp
actful the words, “thinking of you” could be until November 12, 2018. It is said that what you do to and/or for others always comes back to you. Well, I know it to be true, because I know that I’m receiving prayers… those prayers for the girl that lost her daddy. I am now a direct recipient of them. I can’t really tell you what that feels like. I’m not sure that it’s registered in an expressible way yet, but I know that others are praying for me, and I appreciate it. Tragedy has its way of getting you noticed. Not that I was aching for attention, but I know that I have people thinking and praying for me that I may never see face to face. People that may not have even remembered we were social media friends, they have said a prayer or two for me. I have received countless, texts, DMs, inbox messages, and status tags just saying “praying for you”… and I NEED them. Though the thoughts become memories after a couple weeks, the time that I was on the minds of those that I barely know, helped.
I’ve literally started over in every area of my life because, well, nothing’s the same… and I know it won’t ever be. So many things, I have had to rethink. So many things, I have chosen to let go of. And so many things, I have become unsure of but I have learned a few things to be true…
God really doesn’t ever leave us. I know this because if He had, I would’ve lost it months ago (and that’s putting it lightly). “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Hebrews 13:5
There really are “if you need ANYTHING” people. These people are specially placed by God (I’m convinced). I have the most amazing people surrounding me, and honestly, I would have never known them at this capacity before. But they’ve always been right there. “We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” Romans 1:1
It’s okay not to be okay. If it wasn’t, God’s strength would have not place to become perfect. When I am less than okay, I’m weakened in areas… when I am weak, God is strong for me. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (the first half of the scripture)
You gotta take time to grieve. I tried using my workaholic superpowers to get through this and it just didn’t cut it. “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” Ecclesiastes 3:4
When choosing who to be patient with, don’t forget you. I have beat myself up more these past few months than I ever have, and I’ve always been my own worst critic. I am learning to be patient with Alecia. “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14
God knows even when we don’t. I typically pray through just about anything. But this time, I hadn’t the slightest idea what to say. All I could think of was “please help me”. That’s about all I’ve had for the past couple months. And even though I’m clueless, God knows exactly what I need. “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” Romans 8:26
My daddy was right all along. I AM A BRAT! (freebie)
Healing takes time and no one has a right to put a cap on your measure of time for grief. It’s alright to cry, laugh, and scream… all at the same time (and if it’s not, then I’m in big trouble).
Be good to yourself.
I love y’all (I really do)!
Ms. A.M.White
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