Hey y’all... Happy Sunday evening! I hope your day was awesome and that your week will start off greater than you’ve planned. It’s been a while, almost two months, but I’m here with a couple things to share. Per usual...
Ehem... so, most people close to me know that I don’t typically use my dishwasher to wash my dishes. Nope, I hand wash them and I only use the dishwasher for air drying (say what you want). Anyhoo, absolutely nothing wrong with them, I’ve just always been this way. Most apartments have dishwashers in them and in each that I’ve lived in, I have always preferred to hand wash my dishes. I get it from my mama (lol). I started washing dishes at eight years old, because... chores. I remember asking my mom once “when can we get a dish washer?” She replied, “we have one.”; when I asked her where it was, she pointed and said “You.” and walked away, I never asked that question again **insert 10 year old eye roll**.
Mmmkay, sorry, back to this blog post. Alright, so you got the point that I always hand wash my dishes, right? Right. Moving on..... the other week, on Monday, I’d gotten off work (why do we say off work, as if we were “on” something? If you have the answer, please email me, lol) and made it home. I was drained and exhausted. That morning I’d had a rough time trying to get dressed and leave my apartment. I had a “daddy” morning. To catch you up (if you need it), my daddy passed in November and I’m having a terrible time adjusting, so there are days when I can’t quite get it together long enough to leave home... working on it. Okay, after fighting with my emotions, I finally made it out of the house. Again, I was exhausted when I got home; I found that when my days begin this way, I am a lot more tired at the end of the day. I walked into the kitchen and noticed the dishes from dinner the night before and breakfast that morning and attempted to get my life together and my kitchen clean. I stared at the sink of dirty dishes without moving not one of them. I then remembered buying dishwasher pods because I keep them in case of emergency. Emergency being something like, gotta go out of town at the last minute and there are dishes but no time for washing. Well, I took a deep breath and gave myself permission to, on a Monday with nowhere to go, use that dishwasher. It may sound stupid to you, but because of the way I’m wired (you gotta know me to get me... lol) I had to talk myself into closing and starting that machine. My entire week went a little something like this so guess who used the dishwasher for an entire week straight: **If you guessed me, you are correct and you've won the right to read the remainder of my post. HA!** You know what? It was liberating! Not because I actually used the dishwasher that I pay for, every month, but because I gave myself room to be imperfect and to deal with what was troubling my heart and mind.
We, perfectionists, don’t ever give ourselves enough credit for being brave enough not to be perfect. **read that again** Most times, we only ever see it as a shortcoming. Everything must always be in line with the next thing. All “i’s” dotted and “t’s” crossed with no room for error. I am terrible at this because I am an advocate for everybody else sitting down, taking a break, and being okay with resting, but I leave no room for me to do the same. I am learning that sometimes dealing with one small thing at a time helps to relieve some of the pressure from the big thing. It has become a constant process for me to make adjustments and accept the modifications that come with everyday life now. My previous normal is no more and lately, that has meant that I must take the “easy” route with some things in order to cope. To be perfectly honest with y’all, I am definitely not okay with it, mainly because of the reasoning for the necessary adjustments. Losing my daddy has been the most devastatingly horrible thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but I’m taking it (as my closest most amazing friends have told me) one moment at a time. And in the most crucial times, I have learned that those moments may mean "using the dishwasher". Of course I'm sure your "dishwasher" is not actually a dishwasher that you need to give yourself permission to use. It may be that sick day at work; take care of yourself. It may be taking that vacation to be away from work for a few days. It could be seeing a counselor or therapist. Whatever it is, do it.