Want to know something? Of course I'm going to tell you anyway... for years, I despised being the different one. The one that only went places because she was a friend of someone that was invited. The one that felt socially awkward because she did more observing than talking. It pained me to be considered weird. What made me hate it the most was that I really desired to embrace my differences. I mean, I enjoyed being a loner and having more quiet time due to not being invited out. You see, I’m actually pretty particular about the company I keep so not having those invites kept me from having to be uncomfortable or make up some excuse as to why I couldn’t make it. I didn’t have to tolerate the same things that others did and my standards, while they didn’t make me better, they made me clearly separate from them.
The biggest problem with my being the “outcast” was that er’body else noticed it. And well, when people notice, they make sure all the folks around know as well. I always felt a way about not wanting the same things in the same way as everyone else because it seemed to be the unpopular way to be. I’d hear points of view and
“girlfriend” chats and not agree with a thing being said and that made me feel that something had to be wrong with me because everyone else agreed (or they were pretending). It caused me to try hiding the characteristics that set me apart. Trying to alter my characteristics began to alter my attitude and I wasn’t happy with myself. This caused my natural love for people to diminish. Yes, I am an introvert and I love my alone time, but I also love people and serving comes natural to me. At some point I settled into a “it’s just the way I am” mentality like others around me. I let people bamboozle me out of who I was. And do you know what? It’s not their fault. Nope, it isn’t because I let them do it. It is absolutely my own fault for not valuing myself enough to just be me. I let dry DMs, lack and loss of friends, and empty invites determine how I felt about myself. Why? Because that’s how others determined their worth. And I’m ashamed that I allowed the hang ups of others trick me out of so many years of my own awesomeness.
I also let the lack of appreciation from those that frequently benefited from my skills (cause I have mad skills), make me feel that I was just good enough to complete a job. I remember the first time I was called out about being terrible at accepting compliments. If you are anything like me, you pass out compliments to others like confetti but want to disappear when others place that same spotlight on you. I just wasn’t used to receiving them so I’d stumble over my words and try to counter their compliment with a better one when all I had to do was say “thank you” (some of you do this). Don't be like I was, accept the compliment, own your talent, and use it for fuel to constantly become better. I had to take the time to analyze my worth; to realize that all the qualities I had grown ashamed of are the exact things that made me an asset in every arena that I entered. I had to put things into perspective. The fact that I’m a loner triggers my need to be particular with where and whom I allow to occupy my time and space. This is necessary for productivity. My standard of not always participating causes me to ration my mind and my time in beneficial ways. Those friends I considered myself as losing, their leaving helped me to grow beyond being dependent on the validation of others, necessary for the responsibilities that I now carry. It was time to realize how amazing I was. I say this, not with a level of conceit, but confidence necessary to operate at the level of my potential. My “weird” tendencies are what cause me to take note of things that others around me don’t ever pay attention to. Yep, making me an asset.
Once you begin to realize your own value, others will begin to acknowledge it. I want you to understand that what makes you different makes you necessary. What fun is it if you and your friends go out and all order the same dish? Oh, you and your friends don’t do this? Mmmkay, what I mean is, if you all bring the same thing to the table, there’s no diversity of gifts. Sure, you can do the same thing as someone else, but when done correctly, your characteristics make that thing unique to you. You are amazing, own it. Me, I would never lead life as I do if I hadn’t decided that I was good enough. That downtrodden attitude I carried around would have caused me to miss out and it'll cause you to do the same. Don’t skim on yourself. And while you’re accepting all of you, be sure you have friends that encourage and support it. We need people to survive so be sure the people you have want you to survive and don’t want to strangle the awesome sauce out of you. Don’t sell yourself short and don’t’ take post-dated checks. Lol! Ehem… no seriously, you are amazing. Govern yourselves accordingly.
I love you all! I really do!
Be safe and STAY HOME (unless you’re essential)!